The Illusion of Separateness and The Call to Self-Sovereignty
Part 1: Pathway to Self-Sovereignty: Reclaiming Your Freedom from Within
by Katie Simons, PharmD, BCPS
Have you ever felt like there’s something missing from life, even when you’re doing everything “right”? Do you every wonder why you feel depressed, overwhelmed, or completely apathetic when life is exactly how it “should be”? For much of my life, I followed the roadmap to success—good grades, solid career, marriage, home ownership, a respectable life plan. But beneath the surface, I felt anxious, overwhelmed, angry, and like I was waiting for something to click. I thought I was living, and by all external estimations, I was. Everything was “good,” so why wasn’t I? The reality was, I was surviving, stuck in an endless cycle of doing more and feeling less.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. We live in a world that’s mastered the art of keeping us busy and distracted. It rewards doing over being, thrives on fear and scarcity, and leaves us feeling more disconnected from ourselves and each other than ever. This disconnection isn’t our fault, but it’s also not our truth. The illusion of separateness is just that—an illusion. It’s time to see through it, and it starts with reclaiming self-sovereignty.
Now, self-sovereignty might sound like a big, mystical concept (and maybe it is from a certain perspective), but it’s also beautifully practical. It’s about shifting from a fear-based, reactive, unaware way of living to one rooted in expansiveness, excitement, creativity, and peace. It’s a way of being that drives a way of doing—where your actions and connections flow from alignment with your highest truth, not the expectations of others or traumas of the past.
This series is your guide to that shift. Together, we’ll explore the illusions that keep us stuck, the truths that set us free, and the practical steps to reconnecting with your body, mind, and soul. You’ll learn how to break free from survival mode, how to harness your creative energy, and how to create a reality that feels like it’s truly yours.
True freedom isn’t out there waiting for you to find it, and magic is not a thing of fairy tales. It’s all already within you, ready to be reclaimed. Self-sovereignty is the key, and the journey is nothing short of life-changing. Let’s begin.
Trauma and The Illusion of Separateness
For much of my life, I thought my worth was something I had to prove and love was something I had to earn. Growing up in a strict, religious household, I learned to focus on external validation—always following the rules, good grades, success in sports, looking the part, and making others happy. When things went well, I felt a temporary sense of accomplishment. When they didn’t, I was punished, leading to overwhelm with anxiety, abandonment, and shame. I grew to truly believe this was just who I was—a Type A perfectionist striving for love and acceptance in a world where I was not allowed to mess up.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized these patterns weren’t my personality—they were survival mechanisms, the echoes of unprocessed trauma stored in my body. Let’s start by unpacking the term trauma. Trauma isn’t limited to the "big T" events we often think of, like accidents or abuse. Instead, it’s any experience that overwhelms the nervous system—too much, too fast, or too frequent for us to process. This could include something as seemingly small as a parent’s harsh words or moments of neglect during childhood. If the nervous system lacks the internal or external resources to cope, these moments leave imprints.
For some, deeply challenging events might not result in trauma if the body processes them to completion and restores a sense of safety. For many of us, however, the opposite occurs. Unprocessed moments and events accumulate over time, forming subconscious programs and triggering automatic "traumatic reactions" that shape how we react to the world. The more we learn about the neuroscience of trauma, the more we understand that most of us do not leave childhood untraumatized, and many continue to suffer from traumatizations into adulthood. The patterns of trauma profoundly influence not just our bodies but also how we perceive ourselves and life.
Trauma plays a key role in creating and sustaining the illusion of separateness. The illusion of separateness is the belief that we are fundamentally disconnected from each other, the land, and a higher source of wisdom. It’s a story society has told us for generations, reinforced by systems like capitalism, patriarchy, and the loss of lineage wisdom. Couple unprocessed traumatic experiences with societal systems that reinforce inequality, scarcity, and subjugation, and what do we get? Subconscious fear programs that shape the way we all navigate the world. They convince us that we’re separate, unsafe, and incapable of fully connecting with ourselves or others. Over time, these programs build a framework of survival strategies, keeping us in a reactive, fear-based state.
Interestingly, part of the psyche recruited as a protection mechanism to the traumatized mind, reinforcing the illusion of separateness, is the Ego. The Ego is the essential spark of human creativity, passion, and sense of purpose. However, when a mind is threatened and hijacked by fear, the ego shifts into protection mode. Instead of focusing on creation, these neuropathways get redirected to preventing the injury from occurring again. Its job is to keep us safe, so it sends out fear-based messages to avoid anything that resembles the original context of the trauma. This evolutionarily adaptive protection mechanism quickly becomes maladaptive once we are no longer in perceived danger, manifesting as anxiety, avoidance, depression, or even self-sabotage. Worse, the Ego weaves these messages into our very sense of identity: “That’s just who I am.” These patterns don’t just influence our behaviors; they become the stories we live by, convincing us that we’re fundamentally disconnected and alone.
When we live in survival mode, the mind—a young and emotional control board—takes over the ship. It operates from fear and keeps us going in circles, cut off from feeling our emotions and disconnected from the wisdom and guidance of the soul. This disconnection manifests as narcissism, codependency, and an endless cycle of projecting our emotions while searching for external validation. The harder we work to earn love and connection, the more elusive it feels. Generation after generation goes on this way, teaching and modeling the same fear and separation to the next generation until we get to what society looks like - an entire world where living in unaware, disconnected cycles of fear is completely normal.
Take a moment and soak that in. We live in a world where it is normal to suffer and struggle with the paradigm of separateness. So normal, in fact, that living authentically, expansively, joyfully, creatively, and from love is often seen as…weird.
But here’s the thing: this illusion of separateness is not the truth of who we are. Beneath the layers of fear and survival lies something much deeper—our authentic self, inherently connected, whole, and resilient. The journey to self-sovereignty begins by recognizing this illusion for what it is and becoming aware of how it shapes our lives. When we do, we create the possibility for something greater: a life not ruled by fear, but guided by connection, creativity, and expansiveness.
This shift isn’t about erasing the past or denying the pain—it’s about creating space to process, integrate, and release the subconscious patterns that no longer serve us. By doing so, we begin to see through the illusion and reconnect with the truth of our being. This is not about erasing the past or ignoring the pain; it’s about reclaiming the parts of ourselves that were hidden beneath the survival strategies and choosing to be the weird ones.
As I began to explore these patterns in my own life, I saw how they had shaped everything—my relationships, my career, even how I treated myself. The more I leaned into the practice of healing—slowing down, feeling more, processing old pains, becoming aware of subtle sensations - the more expansive and connected I felt. I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t alone. I was simply waking up to the truth: the illusion of separateness is just that—an illusion.
When we see through this illusion, we open ourselves to something greater: a life not ruled by fear, but guided by connection, creativity, and a deep peace. We remember that we’re not just individuals striving for survival but beings inherently connected to something much larger—each other, the world, and the infinite wisdom within ourselves.
The Path to Wholeness: Unlocking Your Human Potential
If the illusion of separateness keeps us stuck, then the path to wholeness is what sets us free. At its core, self-sovereignty is the realization that we have the capacity to self-source our internal safety and emotional stability. This means learning to hold our own emotional experiences, rather than outsourcing them to external people or circumstances. It’s about turning inward and discovering that we are already whole, capable, and equipped to create a life aligned with our truth.
For much of my life, I externalized everything. I didn't know any better. My happiness depended on achieving the next goal, earning the next accolade, or receiving validation from others. I literally could not spend time alone because it was too excruciating. When things didn’t go as planned, I’d spiral into anger or anxiety, convinced that I was being punished by whoever was close to the situation or by the universe itself. I was constantly the victim. What I didn’t realize was that I was handing over my emotional well-being to forces I couldn’t control.
Self-sovereignty shifts this paradigm entirely. Instead of seeking safety and validation externally, it teaches us to cultivate an internal sense of groundedness. This doesn’t mean we stop needing others; rather, it means we approach relationships and circumstances from a place of fullness rather than lack. We stop trying to fill a void and start sharing from our overflow.
This process begins with awareness. When we pause and observe our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment, we start to notice the patterns that have been running the show. These patterns often stem from the subconscious programs created by trauma and fear. They can manifest in many ways: recurring relationship dynamics, job or income instability, reliance on substances or food for comfort, self-sabotaging habits - the list goes on. By shining a light on them, we reclaim our power to choose differently. This is radical responsibility—not blaming ourselves or others for the pain we’ve experienced, but taking ownership of how we respond to it and the reality we create moving forward.
As I began practicing self-sovereignty, I noticed profound shifts in my life. I started creating space to feel my emotions fully, even the uncomfortable ones. Instead of running from fear, I’d sit with it, ask what it was trying to tell me, and gently move through it. Over time, this practice transformed my relationship with myself and the world around me. I no longer needed perfection to feel worthy or external validation to feel loved. I could hold myself in the ups and downs of life, knowing that my worth is inherent and unshakable, my wisdom is always within reach, and love is my way of being.
Self-sovereignty is the process of reclaiming your power to live in alignment with your highest truth and opening the door to the true magic of thriving. It begins with recognizing that freedom isn’t something external—it’s an internal state of being. When we live from a place of self-sovereignty, we unlock a life of expansiveness, curiosity, and peace. We become the captain of our own ships, guided by the wisdom of our souls.
The path to wholeness isn’t a straight path, nor is it a quick fix. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to face what we’ve been avoiding. But the rewards are immeasurable: a life where you feel free to be yourself, connected to your inner wisdom, and empowered to create a reality that reflects your deepest desires. This is the magic of human potential, and it’s available to all of us when we choose to reclaim it.
A Glimpse of the Journey Ahead
Living in self-sovereignty is about rediscovering the person you’ve always been beneath the layers of fear, conditioning, and survival strategies. It’s about reconnecting to your inner wisdom, reclaiming your emotional stability, and living in alignment with your highest truth. It’s about shifting from survival to creation, from fear to freedom, and fully realizing that all the resources we need to do so are already inside of us. Self-sovereignty is a way of being.
In the next steps of this series, we'll embark on this journey together, exploring how the body, mind, and soul each play a role in reclaiming your wholeness. We’ll discuss how to decompress your nervous system, uncover and rewrite subconscious patterns, and tap into your magic, creating a reality that reflects the life you truly desire. Along the way, you’ll deepen your understanding of what it means to live from a place of self-sovereignty, where your actions and relationships flow from wholeness rather than lack.
In the next article, we’ll dive into the body’s role in self-sovereignty—how listening to and learning the language of the body as well as decompressing the nervous system creates the foundation for this transformative work. For now, I invite you to reflect on your own life. Freedom isn’t something you have to wait for. It’s something you can begin reclaiming today. What does freedom feel like to you? What would it mean to reclaim your freedom from within?
If you’re ready to dive deeper into this work, my Pathway to Self-Sovereignty Group Coaching Program enrollment is open through the end of January and offers the tools and support to help you step into your power. Apply here, and let’s begin this journey together.